Grief Is Not Forever

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A birthday present from my husband, sitting atop my step mother’s dining table.

We’ve had our dining table ever since my step-mother passed away. After her death in 2001, (Gosh has it been that long already?), my dad quickly got rid of all of her stuff and tried to move on.

 

I tried to do that with my fourteen-year-old kitty once. Her hips were so bad she could hardly move anymore, and we had to put her to sleep. In my haste to not feel the pain of her loss, I quickly went and got rid of all her stuff, while trying not to cry.

The next day, I rooted through the garbage, pulling out the things I wanted to keep. I washed her blanket and we have it here. Her pet dish was washed and now sits on my window sill.

We never did get her ashes, in my haste to not feel I said I didn’t want them, but I wish I had taken them home.

So many times when we are met with grief in this life, we want to hurry and move on, to not feel the pain, to do anything we can to just keep busy. But when we do that, we carry the pain with us everywhere we go. It affects us physically, emotionally and spiritually.

It’s ok to let yourself cry when you’ve experienced a loss. In fact, it is healthy. Let the tears come. Feel the grief, the hurt and the pain. Talk about what you remember best, what you wish you could have done, and let yourself feel. It’s Ok to do that.

It’s ok to not stuff your feelings.

Seek out people who understand, have a counselor walk with you through the grief, helping you to let go.

You will not stay here forever. You will get up one day, and the grief will be a little less. It does not mean you forget the person, or that they weren’t important, it just means that you are moving on, and that’s ok.

Today, I’m saying goodbye to my step mothers’ dining room table, and we are replacing it with one that works better for us. It won’t sit in our house anymore. I won’t remember her every time I sit down anymore. And that’s ok. She will always have been an important part of my life, someone who loved me because she chose to, and enjoyed sharing her recipes and shopping tips with me. I loved that about her.

I will never forget her.

And when I sit at my new dining table, I will remember the one I sat at for so long, and know that it’s ok to move on.

2 thoughts on “Grief Is Not Forever

  1. My mom passed away in December. I miss her so much it hurts. I saved many of her things–most of them important things: her artwork, her composition books with poems and memories inside, voice and piano recordings I made knowing the day would come when I would want to hear them again. Seeing and touching the things that mattered to Mom–and now matter to me–gives me comfort. I still feel raw grief at times, but I’m slowly moving ahead, knowing that one day I’ll be with her in Heaven. She lived to be 97 so I can’t complain. God blessed me with a wonderful, talented mother who lived beyond the normal lifespan, and I am grateful for that. Nevertheless, the pain lingers … Thank you for posting. Time heals. Blessings to you.

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