I lay my head on the desk, barely able to pay attention.
The teacher spoke of something I no longer remember. Weariness lay heavy upon me. Finally, I got up, left class and went home.
I crawled into my bed and covered my head with the covers. Instead of sleep, tears came. I had failed once again.
I’d been trying for so long.
Trying to pray enough. Read enough scripture. Do enough. I so wanted to be healed of the brokenness that was my life.
Instead of surrendering to God, I tried to fix myself.
It didn’t work. I failed miserably.
And when I would have another bad day, or an emotional breakdown, I beat myself up about it.
Why couldn’t I just be whole?
In the weariness and tiredness, I learned to surrender. I could not fix myself.
I could only come to the Lord and surrender my brokenness to Him. I could only come to Him when I lost control of my emotions and ask Him to help me.
It is the Lord who heals.
It is our job to surrender. His job to heal.
Give Him your brokenness, your anger, your pain. Surrender it to Him.
He will take it, and in a way only He knows how, He will bring beauty to the broken places.
I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water, and the parched ground into springs. Isaiah 41:18 NIV